State of Grace
by CrystalNight1
Summary: "Eli?" She began, holding him. "Are you… crying?" /One-shot/Smut/


**A/N: I haven't written smut in months so, um, sorry if this is bad. **

**I was emotional. So, um, REVIEW and tell me if this is okay~ ._.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own _Degrassi_.**

* * *

They stumbled into their hotel room, chuckles and witty comments here and there. She took off her shoes, throwing them into the abyss. He took off his vest and turned on the lights.

She sighed.

He smiled.

Her body fell on the cushioned bed and her eyes closed at their own accord. He followed suit, lying next to her. Their fingertips touched, and he went to grab her hand, but she sat up, looking at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Well…" She started, unsure of what she was going to say. "I got the bouquet."

He laughed. "You fought hard for that thing."

She blushed, muttering, "Yeah." Unconsciously, she shrugged and then pouted, grabbing his hand with both of hers. "You're wearing your guitar pick necklace, right?"

He looked down at their hands, brows raised. "Uh, yeah?"

"Can you hand it over?"

He stared at the girl sitting next to him and shrugged, taking away his hand to get a hold of the necklace dangling on his neck. He took it off and set it on the palms of her hands.

"There."

She smiled bright at him, and got her chastity ring, putting it on the chain next to the pick. She raised her arms, necklace grabbed at both ends, and he moved his head down so she could put it on him.

"It's yours, Eli. _I'm_ yours now," she teased, a laugh escaping her lips.

He held her hand in his. "Really? You're mine?" He asked back, biting the inside of his cheek.

She stared at him, in awe. "I, uh…" She blushed, biting her lower lip. "I got, um, I got the bouquet, Eli."

"I know, Clare."

"And I've been thinking a lot," she added.

He hummed.

"I… I'm…" She stopped, catching her breath and closing her eyes. "I'm ready. Let's get married."

He stayed silent, eyes wide.

She flushed, embarrassed. "Aren't you going to say some –"

"_Marriage_? Isn't that a bit too early. I mean, sure, I'd do it with you in a heartbeat, but –"

"_Eli_," she deadpanned, stopping him. "Eli, I'm _ready_."

He blinked, what she said sinking him.

_I'm ready._

_Ready._

_She's ready._

_She's –_

"Oh god I don't have a condom," he blurted out, and she sat back, blinking at him.

"Did you say something, Eli?" She asked, confused, eyes gazing up at him.

He scratched the back of his neck, laughing nervously. "I really _don't _have –"

She grabbed both of his hands and put them over her heart. He stared as she talked. "I've been taking the pill for a while now."

He nodded at her, his eyes gazing at their hands. "So."

"Hm?"

"This is _really _happening? No parents interrupting or break up or yelling?" He asked, in an I-know-it-sound-like-I'm-joking-but-I'm-serious tone.

She nodded, breathing heavily.

"You do realize that once you do it you can't –"

"Would you stop?" She said sternly, holding his face in her hands. "I love you and I have for five years. And we might not get married, but I want my first time to be with the one I love."

He pointed at himself with his index finger. "_Moi_? _Vraiment_?"

She rolled her eyes at him when he smirked down at her. "Could you _stop_ teasing?"

"I don't think I ever will, Plath," he winked at her.

She smiled.

They stayed silent, looking in front of them at the bouquet on the floor.

Eli was the first one to break the silence. "Drew looked happy today, didn't he?"

"Well, he did get married…" Clare whispered.

"I bet he's having sex with Bianca at the moment."

"_Eli_," she gasped, slapping him on the arm.

"Ow, woman, could you be more harsh?" She eyed him defiantly. "You know, we could be having sex right now."

A blush crawled up her neck unto her cheeks. "H-h-how do we start it?"

He cupped her neck, lying her down on their bed, muttering, "Well, you just get on the bed and start kissing and see where it takes you…"

He moved his face closer to hers, and her lips parted slightly at the feel of his breath fanning over her mouth. He rested her arms above her head as their lips met in chaste kiss. Their fingers intertwined as Eli deepened their kiss, asking for permission by nibbling on her lower lip. Clare slipped her right hand from Eli's grasp and grabbed the back of his neck, pushing him closer to her.

They parted.

"That's it?" She asked, panting, eyes foggy.

His hand held her left one. "That's it."

They kissed more, and for Clare it went on for hours. And although it felt nice to feel Clare's body close to his, Eli wanted to feel more – without much hesitation on his part, his hands began to travel to the small of her back to pull down the zipper of her dress.

"Eli, wait," she said between kisses.

He stopped, looking down at her.

"Um, I'll help you?" She looked at him, eyes downcast, and her hands reached behind her to pull down the zipper.

She sat up a bit and pulled down her dress, revealing her white, cotton bra.

She flushed, blocking the view of her chest. "I didn't think we'd do it tonight…"

He laughed, and kissed her forehead. His hands crept over her stomach to cup her breasts gently. Clare closed her eyes, the sensation of pleasure washing over her. It wasn't the first time he's touched her intimate areas before, but this time she was more nervous than ever. The though of showing him her whole body for the first time made her stomach do backflips.

Their kissing progressed until Eli removed Clare's bra and threw it on the ground. His lips kissed down her body until they reached her breasts. The cold air made her buds erect and the feel of his warm mouth wrapping itself around her breast made her body shudder.

It wasn't until long that they began grinding against each other – Eli's clothes already removed, only underwear remained between the two.

"Ah," she gasped silently, as his finger traveled above her nether lips.

"Clare, I just…" he began, looking at the woman underneath him. "I just can't believe I'm doing it with you."

His hand traced a line up her right arm, holding her hand at the end. "I love you, so it's okay."

His eyes softened. "That reasoning is too raw for me, Clare."

She smiled up at him, bringing his face closer to hers until their noses brushed. "Women are raw, after all."

He grunted, and rested his neck on her shoulder. "I'm taking off your underwear, okay?"

She gave him a nod as his hands removed her cotton panties, which he threw somewhere in the room. He removed his briefs, and she blushed bright red when she caught a glimpse of him in all his glory.

She wondered, for a moment, if that could really fit inside of her. But then she realized that there are some men that might have it much bigger than him and that she's grateful that it wasn't _so _–

"Tell me if you want me to stop."

"Y-yeah."

Then she felt it. It was slick (sort of, mostly rough, though) and it hurt too much at first (_Can it really go inside?_) and then she felt warm (Really, warm). It was pulsing, and it was uncomfortable, but nothing she couldn't bare. And his hands were sweating, but maybe it was hers that were sweating. And he was kissing her shoulder and she wasn't sure if she was leaving nail marks on his back and –

He began moving. Oh god, she thought, closing her eyes. He was so gentle with her – it made her want to cry.

_Helovesmehelovesmehelovesme._

"Clare? Do you want me to stop?"

She opened her eyes to meet his worried ones. "No." She said quickly. "Never."

He was moving gently at first but then began to quicken the pace and all she could feel was a spark igniting in her abdomen as her legs opened wider for him and tightened themselves around his waist. With his free hand, he was holding up her hips, and his other hand remained holding hers.

They were connected.

_Is this what they say when they mean that you become one with each other? _The question drifted through her thoughts until he hit a spot inside her that – oh! – it made her cry out.

She could _feel _him smirking as he tried to hit the same spot over and over. She couldn't take it any longer. The spark was about to ignite into a full-blown fire if he kept going.

She tightened her grip around him. "Eli… I-I fe – ah – el weird," she panted, biting her lip. "I'm scared – hmph!"

"It's alright," he told her, his hips going quicker. "I'll catch you if you fall, Clare." He said, kissing her. "Let go."

And she did as she was told.

The fire raised, warmth washing over her entire body as he took out his – _youknowwhat _(she blushed) – and spilled it all over the sheets.

"Crap, I'm sorry," He said, holding her. "I'll clean it up."

"Eli, I-" she stopped herself, a tear falling from her eye – she didn't stop it, that one and the next one, either. "I-I love you."

He nuzzled her nose with his, smiling, his breath fanning over her face. "Me too." He rested his face on her shoulder. "Me _too_."

_Fuck, _he thought, closing his eyes. _I –_

"Eli?" She began, holding him. "Are you… _crying_?"

"I'm _sorry_." He said, wiping his eyes. "Fuck, Clare. You don't understand…"

She held his hand in hers tighter. "I will, tell me?"

"The last person I did this with died because of me…" He began, crying, tears falling on her chest. "I… I never thought I could feel the same emotional connection with someone else ever again… but here you are."

"Eli, are you-"

"I tried replacing Julia with you." He said, honestly, his weeping stopping. "But you're not Julia. I'm not replacing you."

She stared at him, mouth agape. "I didn't –" She stopped herself and hugged him. "I was always so jealous of her, you know? Knowing that you slept with her first made me so mad. But I'm so relieved."

She let go of him, smiling. "I'm so happy you acknowledge that. And it sounds selfish of me to say this, but I'm happy you chose me."

He closed his eyes, catching his breath. "Even if I didn't know you, I'd choose you."


End file.
